I’ll do it my way….

One of the toddlerhood stories my mom used to tell me about myself was that I always had an independent spirit – that “me do” mentality. I didn’t want anyone to help me with things, until I tried to do it myself.

I carried that “me do” spirit with me all through my school days. As a teenager in Girl Scouts, I refused to fall for the “left-handed smoke shifter” initiation, taking my little band of fellow initiates with me on a scavenger hunt to find objects to make one. When we finally came back, everyone was a trifle upset because we stayed away so long. Even the leaders were worried. Oh the secret glee I felt that we had “won.”

Like a pair of well-worn pair of slippers, I brought my “me do” spirit right into my Christian walk. I didn’t want to ask the Lord for help without trying to find the answers on my own first. Each time I prayed, I had my own Plan B as a back up in case he didn’t answer me.

But ultimately as an abuse survivor, God had to confront that “me do” attitude, helping me to learn it was really an attitude of pride and fear rather than trust.  In the depths of my heart, I didn’t believe I deserved God’s help and feared that he wouldn’t always be there for me if I asked him for the things I needed.

My good buddies, the Israelites must have felt that way too. Here in Exodus 16 God is trying to teach them trust and  to heal their abuse-damaged emotions. Still, they insist on doing things their own way. “Me-do, me-do,”  seemed to be their battle cry as they gathered their manna.

 Moses said to them, “Let no one save any of it until morning.” But they did not listen to Moses. Some left part of it until morning. And worms grew in it and it became bad to eat. So Moses was angry with them. Morning after morning they gathered it, every man as much as he could eat. But when the sun became hot, it would melt.

On the sixth day they gathered twice as much bread, two jars for each person. When all the leaders of the people came and told Moses, he said to them, “This is what the Lord said: ‘Tomorrow is a time of rest, a holy Day of Rest to the Lord. Make ready the food you will need for today. Then put aside what is left to be kept until morning.’” So they put it aside until morning, as Moses told them. And it did not become bad to eat, and there were no worms in it. Moses said, “Eat it today. For today is a Day of Rest to the Lord. Today you will not find it in the field. Six days you will gather it. But on the seventh day, the Day of Rest, there will be none.” On the seventh day some of the people went out to gather it. But they found none. Then the Lord said to Moses, “How much longer will you go against My Word and My Laws?  See, the Lord has given you the Day of Rest. This is why He gives you bread for two days on the sixth day. Every man should stay home and not leave his place on the seventh day.³⁰ So the people rested on the seventh day. Exodus 16: 19-30 NLV

God gave them specific instructions on how to deal with this heavenly bread.  Yet, they still didn’t trust him to provide for their needs, even though he had shown them several times that he would!

But God knew their hearts. What they were really saying was, “We know God can take care of us, but we’re just not sure he will always take care of us. Just in case God turns on us, punishes us  like the Egyptians and withholds food from us, we will take care of ourselves.” Their pride and fear taught them  to become invisible to God – to step out of his radar, so to speak – rather than to live freely in his presence.

Do you trust God’s provision and blessings? Or do you fear he won’t be there for you? Do you always try to take care of yourself so you won’t get hurt again,  “just in case” God doesn’t help you?

God has a specific plan to help us  lose the pride and fear of that  “me do” mentality  that causes us to take control of our own lives and to refuse his help. But it requires our obedience to his plan. How has he done that in your life?

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Jesus, Your name is above all names. Help us to speak Your name, and share Your Good News with kindness and boldness.

Baby Steps of Trust

From the time we come wailing into the world, our brains are ready and eager to learn new things. Stop and think about it for a moment – we are constantly learning, anything and everything, from how to cook a new dish to how to manage a new health concern.

God created us with a thirst for knowledge. He also designed the learning process so that we build our knowledge brick by brick, laying a foundation, then building on top of it. We do that by collecting information, creating theories and testing them, then cataloging the results. Even our failures teach us important lessons about how life works.

Picture a child playing with blocks. A baby will hold them, taste them and bang them together to understand what they are. As he grows, he applies what he learned about their size and shape stacking one on top of another. First, he stacks two, then three precariously upwards. When they fall, he stacks them again and again, eventually learning to put them on more straight so they don’t topple. Eventually he learns to build them pyramid style so they  create a wall. And so on.

Learning to trust God employs that same process of gathering knowledge and applying it. After years of slavery, the Israelites were much like infants, needing to learn trust from ground zero.

God helped them to “discover” him with their senses –

•  To see his power through the plagues and watching the Lord form walls of water on either side of a path at the Red Sea;
• To hear the water come crashing down on their enemies
• To feel the dry land beneath their feet as they crossed the sea, to feel the cooling effects of the cloud by day and the warmth of the fire by night,
• To taste his power as they drank the once-bitter waters at Marah and the fresh water at Elim.

Now they come to the wilderness where they need food. The lesson becomes  a little more complex this time because they have to trust God to provide something to eat and  there is nothing available. There’s no possible way to gather enough for all of them to eat. With all they’ve seen, felt, heard and tasted so far, can they build on that knowledge and trust God to provide for their needs?

Then Moses told Aaron, “Say to the entire Israelite community, ‘Come before the Lord, for he has heard your grumbling.’”

While Aaron was speaking to the whole Israelite community, they looked toward the desert, and there was the glory of the Lord appearing in the cloud.

 The Lord said to Moses, ¹² “I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them, ‘At twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will be filled with bread. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.’”

That evening quail came and covered the camp, and in the morning there was a layer of dew around the camp. When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. When the Israelites saw it, they said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. Exodus 16:9-13 NIV.

Notice how the Lord built their trust?  He showed them his glory so they would recognize that he was the one providing for them. Then He sent something they knew. Flocks of quail inundated the camp that evening. The people wanted meat for their pots and they already had recipes for preparing it. God just made it easy for them to  get ahold of as much as they needed.

But the next morning he sent the unknown manna – the new heavenly bread which would give them strength to travel all day if necessary.  God was building their trust in baby steps.

Think back over your relationship with the Lord. Are there any experiences that stand out to you where God led you in baby steps to teach you something or to build your faith or trust?

If you’d like to share, I’d love to hear about your experiences! Feel free to leave a comment below.

Stonecroft Prayer Focus for today…

Lord Jesus, we praise You! You did not turn away from the cross, but bore our punishment and made us right with God.

When it’s easier to look back

The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they had come out of Egypt.  In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron.  The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.”

 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.   On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.” Exodus 16:1-5 NIV

For those who work with victims of  human trafficking, domestic violence or abuse victims, there is an unhappy truth: not everyone who finds their way to freedom from the abuse remains free.

Some return to their abusive situations because  they fear they cannot make it on their own. Maybe they fear retribution or harm to their children unless they return to their abusers.  Often they lack the self-confidence necessary to make it on their own because of the years of brutalization. And sometimes they lack the support from outside agencies, family or their communities to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts and lives. Some may even  feel overwhelming guilt and shame if the abuser threatens to harm himself unless they return.  Many are looked down upon as the “bad” ones, even though they were victimized and not the ones responsible for the abuse.

Dealing with all this fear, confusion, lack of self esteem, shame and guilt isn’t easy. Those emotions often play into one’s ability to cope with freedom, causing  disorientation and an inability to make wise decisions. Freedom from the abuse can be too hard, too frightening,  so they return to the only life they know.

Look at the children of Israel. They were brutalized for generations as slaves. No doubt they suffered from this type of fear and disorientation after their deliverance from Egypt.

In spite of all the mighty miracles they had seen and experienced so far on the journey, they were still afraid to trust God. It was easier to look back to the things they knew, and to edit out the bad parts, than it was to trust God and look to the future: “There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.”

The Lord understood how fragile the faith of the Israelites was at this point. They had forgotten who God was and his promises to their forefather, Abraham,  about becoming a mighty nation. They saw his acts  but still didn’t know his nature as he washed their enemies away in the Red Sea and then sweetened the water at Marah.  They were unsure about trusting him with their lives. This new freedom frightened them and seems too hard.

Thankfully, God had a plan for healing their fear and building their trust.

• He made it impossible for them to return to their life of slavery, destroying the enemy that had enslaved them and putting the Red Sea between them and their past life.
• Then he put them into a situation where they had to trust their lives entirely to him in the wilderness.  By now their unleavened bread had run out that they had baked in Egypt. They had no grain to bake new bread and no way to get enough grain to bake more for so many people. Sure they had flocks of sheep and goats, but if they used them all for food now, what would they do when they got to their new home? How would they start over?
• In his wisdom, God sent them two ongoing miracles of provision – Manna each morning – a heavenly substance to be used like grain to give them strength for each day; and flocks of quail in the evening to satisfy their hunger for meat for their pots because they craved it.
• God wanted them to learn that trust didn’t have to mean enslavement.  Unlike Pharaoh, God did not plan to enslave them, beat them and destroy them after providing for them. He provided because they were his children and he cared for them as a nation. His provision was meant to teach them to trust again and to help them become whole. It was “safe” to trust his provision.

To experience healing from sin and abusive situations, victims have to learn new ways of coping with people and life events. We are all victimized in some way by sin – whether it is the sin we commit against others or the sins of others against us. Maybe God needs to put us in a situation like the Israelites where we can’t look back and we are forced  to address the question of trust. Do I really trust the Lord?

Can you think of any times in your life where God has done this to you?

Stonecroft Prayer Focus for today…

Pray for those who are victims of slavery, domestic violence or abuse that they might learn to know and trust  Jesus.

Trust 101

Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.) So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?”

Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink.

Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.Exodus 15:27New International Version (NIV)

A child learns to trust its parents as its needs are met on a consistent and loving basis.  When they’re hungry, we feed them. When they’re uncomfortable because of a dirty diaper, we change them. When they need reassurance and love, we do that too, because we love them. And they learn to trust us because of that consistent care.

It’s the same with a new Christian, or a person who’s working through abuse issues. They need to know that God can be trusted because he loves them. The Israelites had just witnessed God’s great deliverance. He killed the Egyptians – their enemies could never again come after them and take them back to the place of brutal slavery. God already showed them that he would protect them.

Now, the wilderness provided God with a perfect incubator to show his people time and again that he would provide for them and that he loved them. In the wilderness, they would experience trust for the first time.

First lesson – water provision.

Now that their enemies were no longer a threat, their most pressing need was water. Yet, the first place they stopped to refill their water skins was Marah, where the water was so bitter they couldn’t drink it.  Instead of asking their God for help, they complained to Moses.

1. In Egypt, they had lived in Goshen, a delta area of the Nile so there would have been adequate drinking water. Here in the wilderness, water was scarce. (The need)
2. It would be difficult to find enough water to  take care of the need of such a large group of people (A problem)
3. As slaves, they probably had water withheld from them if they didn’t perform adequately. So when they faced the bitter waters of Mara, they may have feared that God was punishing them and was going to kill them. (Their perception – Slave mentality)
4. Instead of worshipping their strong God who had delivered them, and asking him for what they needed, they grumbled against Moses and God. It was a fear-based reaction (Their reactions)
5. Moses lost patience with them, but he still went to God because he knew God and trusted him. (Moses’ reaction and response)
6. God showed Moses how to make the water drinkable. (God’s response to Moses)
7. Moses modeled  the trust and ask behaviors the Israelites needed to learn. God met their need at Marah in response to Moses’ trust. Then God directed Moses to bring them to Elim where there were springs of fresh water and 70 palm trees for shade. (God reinforced the lesson of His provision.)

What lessons has God taught you about trust through your Christian journey? Has he ever used a person to model the behaviors he wanted to teach you?

I’d love to hear about your experiences!

Blessings,

Bonnie

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Lord, forgive us for the times when we are reluctant to share our faith. Help us remember that others, too, need the Gospel’s saving power.

In the waiting room

But they who wait upon the Lord will get new strength. They will rise up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weak. Isaiah 40:31 (NLV)

I’m doing Grandma duty this week – hanging out with my daughter and her family until the new baby decides to make an appearance. Someone (AKA Grandma) needs to be here to stay with the 7 others when the time comes for mommy and daddy go to  the hospital for the delivery.

But waiting for the new baby  is a lot  like watching a pot of water on the stove – you know it’s going to boil eventually, but it just won’t boil as long as you watch it. LOL!

It means that I don’t have time for my usual morning routine of writing. It’s hard to blog with  little ones crawling on me at 7 AM. And of course, even though I’m so close to finishing my third novel, everything is on the back burner as long as there are little ones around.

But don’t be fooled – I’m not complaining. The “wait” isn’t bad at all since I love spending time with my grandkids. Today we’re making paper  conversation hearts and playing with Play Doh while the older ones are doing their home-school class work. Tomorrow? who know’s – I’m sure we’ll find some equally fun things to do.

No so when I’m waiting on the Lord for answers to prayer or guidance or healing, etc.  I get impatient, frustrated and depressed,, the longer I have to wait. The difference is that it’s fun to spend time with the grandkids, but not so fun to wait on the Lord for things to happen. Perhaps it’s because when I ask the Lord for something, I’m in pain or needing an answer ASAP. Not so fun!

Yet it’s during those times of waiting on him that my trust muscles are strengthened. I grow emotionally and spiritually.  As I lean on him, I learn what it is to  rely on his strength rather than my own. And I do survive – even thrive –  when I thought I couldn’t go another step or wait one more moment. In his time, the answer I seek is birthed in my life and I am better for the waiting time.

Lord, help me to embrace the waiting time as I learn to lean totally on you. Amen.

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Lord, help us to remember that every woman You place in our path will be restless until her heart rests in You.

Committed to the journey

“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.  And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.        Deuteronomy 6:4-6 NLT

Several nights ago, I laughingly told my husband, “I just can’t stop writing – I’m in the middle of the Red Sea.”

True enough, I was crafting a scene where the Israelites were crossing the Red Sea. The emotions ran high among the crowd of people in the scene and my writer’s adrenalin was pumping too.

I always used to think that the Israelites marched across the dry ground in an orderly fashion with drilled precision, almost like a great army. But as I really wondered and prayed about it, a much different picture emerged.

The people had just escaped their slavery in Egypt. But they still were acting and thinking as slaves. They followed Moses hoping for a better life and because the God of Israel was “winning” at this point. They were on an emotional high.

But the minute they were backed into a corner with their enemies on one side and the Red Sea on the other, many of them thought their God had suddenly turned on them too, just like he had come against the Egyptians with the 10 plagues.

A lack of trust is characteristic of those who have been severely wounded by abuse or slavery. So when the pathway through the sea opened up, I imagine many of them passed through between the walls of water in a BIG hurry, still afraid and not fully trusting their God to keep the water bottled up on either side of them. They probably looked back often to be sure God kept his cloud between them and the Egyptians.

After 4oo plus years of slavery, they didn’t really KNOW their God deeply and intimately.True, they saw his acts – how he sent the plagues against their enemies, and even how he opened up the sea to make a way of escape. But their internal wounds prevented them from really knowing, trusting and loving him.

God had to provide their basic daily needs of food and water, preserve their clothes and tents, and constantly protect them from their enemies – just like a loving parent cares for a newborn – before their trust began to be restored.

It would take 40 years of tramping around in the wilderness for them to begin to know him and love him with every fiber of their being as Moses commands them here in Deuteronomy.

Most of us have been hurt by death of a loved one,  life events or people to some degree. It takes a lifetime to heal and restore the childlike trust necessary to love God with all our hearts.

God only asks that we commit to the process of healing and growing so we can become strong in our faith, our trust and knowledge of him. As we remain open to him, he will work in our lives, healing the hurts ad fears and teaching us to know him fully and deeply. We will learn to know his ways like Moses did, and not merely see the things he does.

Father, help me keep my heart open to you so that I might learn to really know you and love you with all my heart, soul and mind. Amen.

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Lord, I ask you to use me. Help me share the Good News of Jesus Christ with many women in my community.

Puddle-jumping

You, Lord, are forgiving and good,  abounding in love to all who call to you.         Psalm 86:5 NIV

My grandson is a “puddle-jumper.”
There’s nothing he likes better in this whole world than finding a nice puddle to stomp through. It doesn’t matter that he gets soaked with chilly water up to his knees. It doesn’t matter if the water is muddy or clear. It’s still water!

I think if he had been a little Israelite boy when they crossed the Red Sea, he would have jumped in before the water receded completely or before the Lord had a chance to dry off the path and run through the puddles to the other side…

Lord give me the heart of a child today – celebrating your love and not afraid to get my feet wet in the new experiences you send my way. Amen.

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Lord, saturate us in Your Word each day. Give us hearts that delight in You and break for our world that so desperately needs You.

Broken glasses…

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT) Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

A few weeks ago, my regular glasses were hopelessly bent out of shape at work. So until I can get a new pair, I am wearing my old ones. The problem is that the older glasses have a slightly different prescription for the lenses. Oh, I can see all right, but it’s slightly harder to read with them on. Things are a little out of focus.

When I rely on my own understanding to solve the problems of my life, it’s a lot like looking at the world through my older lenses. I can see the issues, but often they are slightly out of focus so that I’m not seeing them clearly. At least not clearly enough to make wise decisions.

That’s what happened to me at the beginning of this year as I prayed about my focus for the new year in my daily life and as a writer.

Last year brought about many changes in our lives. I rejoined the work force after being a stay-at-home wife for several years. I need to work in order to help with the household finances. God even miraculously provided the job for me. But in going back to work, I reverted to some old ways of coping with our situation – reverting back to some skewed thought patterns that could get me into serious trouble.

I resurrected Ms. Fix-it, thinking it was my sole responsibility to work enough hours to fix the family budget by myself. She thought I should quit writing so I could work at “paying” jobs outside the home. After all, she reasoned, “you just don’t have as much energy as you used to. so you should invest it into something that pays real money.”

That’s when Ms. Superwoman, piped up, telling me I should continue to do all the activities I already did like writing, ministry stuff and community involvement, without making cuts anywhere. Oh, she’s a feisty one! She makes me tired, just thinking about all she tries to do.

Big mistake! Those two gals just argued back and forth inside me, giving me a big headache! At that point some minor depression settled in. It was like the slight headache I felt from wearing the old glasses – not enough to keep me from functioning, but enough to get me down.

Thankfully – I’m not the same person I used to be. God has done some marvelous healing in my life and my current focus was only temporarily skewed. I’m not trying to depend on my own understanding as much as I used to.

Through prayer and the wisdom of a few wonderful blogging friends (Thanks Patty and Niki!), God was able to clear up my skewed vision and help me find my focus for this coming year. Here’s what I learned:

1. Release the old ways of thinking. I fired Ms. Fix-it and Ms. Superwoman, and reinstated God as the CEO of my schedule / goals to mix work and writing. I’m also working at releasing the things God has shown me are non-essential for this season of life.

2. Accept the changes in my life. For a season, I do need to work outside the home again. But God has given me a job I can do that will fit both my lifestyle and my writing schedule. It’s not a matter of doing one thing at the expense of the other It’s in learning how they fit together and making the necessary attitude adjustments.

3. Engage – put the plan into action. Through prayer, God has already shown me how the pieces fit together and what I should do to make it work – His way. His plan requires discipline and focus, but as long as I’m doing it his way, I will be able to manage it quite well without getting over burdened, depressed or burnt out.

Now if I could just get  my newer glasses fixed…

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Lord, please make us so compelled to help women know Jesus that we’ll boldly invite them to outreaches and Bible studies–even if we doubt they’ll come.

Promises for the New Year – Monday Moments with God

My Dear Child,

As you stand on the verge of a new year, please remember that only I know the future.  I have plans for you this year that will help you  to grow stronger in me. Though some things may hurt, remember I will never harm you because I love you and we have a future together, you and I.

Trust me with everything inside you and don’t try to figure things out for yourself. Just take one day at a time and follow me – I’ll keep you on the straight path. I am always at work, orchestrating the details of your life so that everything will fit together in my plan for you. I delight in making a way where there doesn’t seem to be a way

Just hold my hand and walk with me in 2013.

Love, Jesus

 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (CEB)Trust in the Lord with all your heart;     don’t rely on your own intelligence. Know him in all your paths,     and he will keep your ways straight

 Jeremiah 29:11 (ERV) I say this because I know the plans that I have for you.” This message is from the Lord. “I have good plans for you. I don’t plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future.

Romans 8:28 (NLV)We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be a part of His plan.

Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NLV “This is what the Lord says, Who makes a way through the sea and a path through the powerful waters,  “Do not remember the things that have happened before. Do not think about the things of the past.  See, I will do a new thing. It will begin happening now. Will you not know about it? I will even make a road in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

 

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Lord, please accomplish Your will through Stonecroft in 2013. We pray, “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10).

Find your strength in the Lord – Monday Moments with God

My Dearest Child,

Are you sad today?

Think about me and our relationship. Think about who I AM and my great power. Think about how much I  love you – enough to leave all heaven’s splendor to become like a human infant, helpless and dependent on my earthly parents for food and protection.

I know what it’s like to feel limited and alone. As I hung on the cross, it felt like my heavenly Father looked the other way and for one awful, eternal moment, I hung there alone, forsaken. That’s why I will never leave you or forsake you.

My Child, come to me. Look at me. Cry out to me. Tell me about your dreams, your hopes for the future. Confide your deepest hurts to me. I will listen to you and together we will work toward your future and your hope.

When you do this, I will help you grow strong and tall, like a mighty oak tree that’s planted next to a cool refreshing stream of water. You won’t lose your hope like the autumn leaves falling from the trees, but your hope will be firmly rooted in me and nothing will shake you.

Love, Jesus

Philippians 2:6-9, Jeremiah 11:29, Psalm 1, Psalm 22

Stonecroft Prayer focus for today…

Pray for the six unreached people groups in The United Arab Emirates. They total over 1,300,000 people.